Eating, Reading & Telling Dems What to Do

I will talk with my mouth full

Welcome to Mess & Noise. Last time, I obsessed on Irv from Severance and what happens when artsy indoor kids cosplay company men. If you’re new here, I also write about parenting in the attention economy, how grief is embarrassing, and why “overscheduling” your kids has become an economic necessity. Paid subscribers will receive monthly installments of my memoir-in-progress starting in March!

Some Carb-and-Sauce Nostalgia

This letter is late because it’s mid-winter break at school, which means nonstop parenting and a quick trip out of Brooklyn, just for a backdrop change.

I took a break from our break and had dinner in at Kawa Ni in Westport, CT, which is in my Top 10, not that I sit here and rank restaurants like it’s 2007 and I’m an editor at Urban Daddy…But what this place can do with a bowl of cucumbers is extraordinary!

They’ve also unlocked the secret of repeat visits: feature a dish that’s essentially high-end Hamburger Helper.

In Kawa Ni’s case, it’s the Spicy Lamb Dan Dan. It was the Gramigna at Bianca in Nolita (r.i.p.) for about a decade, and enduring to this day is the Browned Butter Cavatelli at Frankies. Sure, throw squid ink or something with raisins on the menu to help people feel adventurous, but you need a cheap and cheerful anchor to keep ‘em coming back. Something reminiscent of what a single mom would make after school on a rainy day in the 80s. Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

While we’re on the topic of food, there was some lively sandwich discourse in the Feed Me chat last week, which prompted me to finally try Winner instead of passing it on my way to Norm’s across the street for my kids. (My 6-year old is a budding Urban Daddy editor and ranks Norm’s as #2 on his pizza list, behind Lo Duca at #1.)

The verdict? Winner’s Cubano is perfection. This is not a detailed review, just a blunt and beneficent judgement from the #1 Substack Sandwich Influencer in Central Brooklyn. (Self-made badge pending.)

Here’s this week’s links & non-sandwich recs:

• Gen Z can’t afford to go out.

• The Trump-fueled surge of American expats.

• Turns out AI is a sore loser who cheats.

• Friendly-strength-in-numbers-reminder: There are more average workers than billionaires. They are the minority.

• Sort-of-related reminder: Apps do not have your back.

• And from 1941: Who Goes Nazi? A “macabre parlor game” where you size up someone’s character and assess whether or not they’d side with the SS. You can easily play this game in any room today. “Who’s Maybe MAGA?”

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🇺🇸 And Now, Your Two Cents 🇺🇸

I might be working on a brand strategy + messaging deck for the bumbling, cane-waving Democrats. Have they asked or paid me for this? No. Will that stop me from shouting into the void about what they should do to dig themselves out of their current identity and positioning crisis? Also no, and now I need your help:

If you were consulting for the Demz, what would you tell them to do? I’ve had this conversation with several people IRL the past few days, and here are some ideas I’ve collected:

1. Force Nancy Pelosi to step down

2. Make a pledge to divest from individual stocks/actively managed portfolios — i.e., passive portfolios only, no insider trading

3. Get AOC to primary Chuck Schumer

4. Put up leftist candidates in all blue and purple districts; primary incumbents with younger candidates

5. Run a crisis-style press conference or social media stream every day (think Cuomo during COVID) to outline everything Musk, Trump & Co. are doing and every action Democrats are taking to get in their way

6. Stop fundraising for now. Put a moratorium on texts and emails asking us for money or shaming us for not signing bullshit petitions.

7. Laser focus on winning 2026 because there will be no 2028 if they don’t

8. Position Republicans as the billionaire class and Dems as working class (Idea #2 needs to happen for this to make sense)

Drop your ideas in the comments or reply to this email (I keep them confidential!) and we’ll save Democracy, one Keynote presentation at a time.