Hoarding Self-Help

And introducing Mess & Noise

‘Tis the season for putting a messy life into a neat little bento box

Each year I take time off to do a full life inventory: figure out what I need less of (weight, anxiety, time on my phone), what I’d like more of (muscle, money, world peace, or at least a sound democracy in the U.S.)

I overhaul my daily routine and torture myself with the false belief that I can be the kind of mom who plans meals and gets my kids to eat leaves instead of bags of Entenmann’s Little Bites Chocolate Chip Muffins (tm).

Part of my saison du illusion of control is mainlining audiobooks on personal improvement, professional development, and creative work straight into my ear canal. I’ve read, listened to, and internalized so many of these that I wrote my own little self-help thing a few years ago.

I can sum up the takeaways I remember in one sentence, which I’ve done for you below! So, Merry Christmas — I’ve self-help’d for the past 15 years so you don’t have to*:

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - Worrying about the past and freaking out about the future is useless. You should meditate.

A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel - Say yes to everything while you are young. Workaholics win.

ReWork by Jason Fried & David Heinemeier - Workaholics will destroy your business. Avoid them.

Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon - Use other people’s work as a jumping off point for your own ideas.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - Yoga is good for your mental.

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky - Make sure you’re not doing more household chores than your partner does.

The Anatomy of Anxiety by Ellen Vora , M.D. - Sugar bad.

The Algebra of Happiness by Scott Galloway - Save your money and find a decent mate.

The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck - I can’t remember any takeaways from this one besides “Maybe you are gay.”

Atomic Habits by James Clear - Start with small habits and go from there.

The Five-Second Rule by Mel Robbins - If you want to force yourself to do something like exercise, pretend you’re a rocket and go, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” and do it.

How to Be an Artist by Jerry Saltz - Stop overthinking what you’re creating and just create.

Rebels at Work: A Handbook for Leading Change from Within by Lois Kelly and Carmen Medina - I can’t be reductive about this one because it is wonderfully methodical and helpful. I also haven’t finished it, but it’s basically a how-to for getting your ideas through stodgy corporate and bureaucratic environments.

The Practice by Seth Godin - See the Jerry Saltz review above, and add “keep going.”

Make Your Art No Matter What by Beth Pickens - Similar to He’s Just Not That Into You, all you really need is the title.

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert - See the title above. Done.

Outlive by Peter Attia - You should exercise more

* I literally put this together so you don’t need to read any of these books, but I may earn an affiliate fee (like 25 cents or something) if a review has compelled you to buy one through the Bookshop.org links.

And introducing…

Maybe you noticed this edition wasn’t branded as a “Letter from Phoebe,” or maybe you don’t pay attention to these things and I don’t blame you. Per my annual reflection season, I’ll be writing more about the collision (shit show) of being middle-aged, mid-career, and a mom to young kids. Like an old post that I love (rare) I’m calling it Mess & Noise.

I hope it’s relevant and helpful to anyone navigating just one of those things, or anyone trying to live like we used to in a world that’s flattening and shrinking all around us.

"As any of us approaches middle age, we inevitably come up against our limitations: the realization that certain dearly-held fantasies may not be realized; that circumstances have thwarted us; that even with intention and will we may not be able to set our ship back on the course we’d planned."

Claire Messud

I’d add that it comes out of nowhere, being in your 40s. And for those of us who started having kids at the butt-end of our 30s:

- You are very tired all the time

- Friends disappear

- Your neck skin gets soft and jiggly almost over night

- You will get a hangover by being in the same room as a bottle of wine

- Hangovers become existential

- You don't get to wash your hair very often

And if you work in tech and/or startups (which I’ve written about a lot and will continue to) you’re the oldest person at work for the first time. It can have its perks but it’s still weird.

Anyway, we’ll f*&k around and if figure it out together. More to come in 2024. See you then!