Neutral Read Hotel
Off the algorithm, and introducing Great Job!
Every now and then I work up the willpower to avoid news feeds and read stuff that has nothing to do with the economy, the potential end of U.S. democracy, the Middle East, Middleton, etc.
The idea is to avoid stories that make me scream into my kids’ stuffed Care Bears, (they’re back but look weirder than I remember) and pass time on the train/toilet/couch more enjoyably. The obvious solution is reading more fiction, but no. Most new novels find a way to make me angry.
Angry how? An example:
I was excited for one of last year’s bestsellers because it sounded like an Italian-American family drama by an Italian-American author (my shit!) who reportedly “chronicles life’s highs and lows with aching precision,” (extremely my shit!)
It was endorsed by Oprah, which normally doesn’t send me running to the library but another author I admire also raved about it so:
First chapter was great: A college basketball player in 1978 Chicago who had a sad and lonely childhood. Chapter 2: He makes his first friend ever. He asks his friend a question and the friend replies in the affirmative, “Hundred percent.”
No he didn’t! That’s 2010’s slang taking place 45 years ago. I wasn’t totally on the scene then, but I would bet my mom’s bellbottoms that zero college freshmen ever uttered “hundred percent” as a replacement for “yes” in 1978. That would be like Amadeus saying to Salieri in the critically acclaimed 1984 film, “Your shit is wack, bro.”
So now my dumb strain of crippling perfectionism won’t allow me to continue this book, because I know the editor didn’t vet each line to make sure little details like 1970s Chicago slang measured up to an unassailable whole. It’s a missing bolt that blew the door plug off the reading experience.
Clearly this author did not procrastinate on her manuscript as I would, by researching movies about teenagers in the 70s, cross referencing them with films about sports teams of the same era, and watching each one so I can glean how an 18-year old basketball player would say “yes,” slangily in 1978. (Then ditching the whole scene altogether.)
Procrastinating via research and obsessing over lines of dialogue before completing a first draft is my favorite part of “writing,” along with getting deeply offended over small flaws in other people’s finished work and writing about that instead.
Which brings me back to my favorite genre of procrasti-reading: The Neutrals! These are comforting long-form articles that are:
Apolitical — they have nothing to do with how our world is governed, so you don’t get mad at anyone as a result of reading them.
Unartistic — There’s solid a craft behind the well-written ones, but because they’re non-fiction/reporting, you don’t get tripped up on the author’s creative choices.
Un-inspirational - They are not meant to drive you toward action, self-improvement, self-care, or even self-acceptance for not having the energy to better yourself. They blessedly have nothing to do with you.
Not “how-to’s” - Similar to the quality listed above, they don’t teach you to do anything yourself.
This doesn’t mean Neutral Reads aren’t entertaining or informative! Some might call them “human interest” stories, or useless knowledge that only trivia nerds would care about. I call them soothing, like the written equivalent of ASMR.
In a world of cacophonous bullshit, Neutral Reads are quiet luxury.
They also don’t get shared much on social media or other newsletters because they signal no virtue, intellect, or taste by the person who posts them.
So here are some of my recent(ish) favorites*:
The man in Texas who was brutally mauled by his pet warthog and lived to tell the tale.
The experiment that suggests particles in your brain (consciousness) may exist in more than one place at the same time, possibly connecting you to all of humanity and the universe.
How sewage treatment actually works. This one was inspired by my son, who was briefly obsessed with the idea of his poop ending up in the ocean, so I had to read up and explain it to him.
How goose barnacles upended all prior theories on what happened to missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. There’s a deep dive into how barnacles work, and repeated mention of the flaperon, which is such a chic name for an airplane part.
The women who saw 9/11 coming. I suppose this leans political and could make one angry about institutional sexism and blind spots in the U.S. intelligence apparatus but it’s such a badass story.
Orcas are confirmed serial killers of Great White sharks. (Not a long read, but a good addition to any Orca trivia you’ve been storing in your head.)
*Some of these might be paywalled (because they’re luxury items!)
And now for something completely different…
I’ve officially entered the “teaching” stage of my freelance copywriting/brand strategy career. It’s like menopause for self-employed people, and I’m fully owning it.
I’ve thought for a while (the peri stage) that I should offload the useful stuff in my head for anyone who needs it (turns out no one needs me to tell them about orcas), and I was lucky and flattered to have someone reach out and ask me how to become a freelance copywriter.
They had questions for which I have so many answers I could fill another book to procrastinate on, so a newsletter section was born.
I’m calling it Great Job and it’s where I’ll put advice and how-to’s on all things copywriting, content design and strategy, foundational brand work, etc.
So we’ll end this edition with a preview of Great Job. You’ll receive more like this every now and then, but you can always unsubscribe from it or any other section if it’s not for you.
Question 1: Where is the best place to start copywriting if you have no experience?
Answer:
No one will know you are a writer until you start writing, so write wherever and however much you can, (if you aren't already.) The easiest route is starting a newsletter or a blog. It can be about anything you care about or are interested in. Don't worry about it looking and sounding polished and professional, building a huge audience, or finding a niche just yet.
Don't worry about other people doing similar things. Just write from your own heart and head and you will learn a few key lessons:
How to write regularly, set deadlines for yourself, and stick to a schedule
How to write for an audience. Again, it doesn't have to be a big one. In fact, it shouldn't be. I find myself writing longer-form articles with one or two people in mind. Copywriting is all about empathizing with a specific type of reader/user and writing in a way they will understand (and hopefully respond to, appreciate, feel inspired by, etc.)
This leads to...
Finding your voice. The more you write, the more you'll know what feels right in your copy and what doesn't. It's important for client projects in the future, as copywriting choices often come down to gut feelings, creative instincts, and a developed taste.
Gaining confidence to promote your work. Once you're in the swing of things, you might start promoting your blog or newsletter on social media. Writing a social media caption or post teaches you to write succinct copy with a clear call to action.
I had a blog a looooong time ago called "Puppies and Ice Cream," where I just wrote about whatever random shit I felt like. Aside from a few unpaid record reviews and interviews I'd done for tiny music magazines and websites, I didn't have a formal writing portfolio. My blog was basically my portfolio, and it got me my first job as a writer/editor at a content startup.
I kept it up, it made my future boss laugh, and she ended up hiring me as a copywriter. That was my second "real" writing job and my first formal, well-paying copywriting role at a big international company.
Basically, if you're starting from zero, you must be your own client and create your own projects. It might feel silly to simply write for yourself in the short term, but if you stick to a practice and share it with others it will absolutely pay off.
Questions on this first topic? Let me know how this lands for you!