Thought Gyrotonics

+ an addictive chicken salad sandwich

Welcome to Mess & Noise. Last issue featured New York’s hottest new recession indicators and earnestly dissected A Minecraft Movie as cultural commentary. If you’re new here, I also write about raising kids in the attention economy, what working class means today, and the unique absurdity of parenting in NYC.

It’s Been a While!

And I’ve been spiraling, for good and bad. The good news is work picked up. The bad news is everything — every app, “platform,” service — it’s all surveillance tech and veiled data grabs now. I know we knew this, but there’s something that feels a little more sinister about it, given our current techno-fascist hellscape and whatnot.

“Advocating for the user,” as I’ve done for most of my career, has become a quaint anomaly. But before I officially age out of my field, I just keep my Gen-X cynicism and ideals (they can coexist!) to myself, and pretend I’m one of those women working on the Manhattan Project who had no idea they were building an atomic bomb.

That’s how the bacon gets brought home, folks.

Using this meme is proof of my age

I won’t say more beyond this gentle reminder — coincidentally it’s the same one I’d give to Pee-wee Herman if I were with him and Mailman Mike during this 30-second scene that taught me everything I need to know about the ease and speed of corruption back in 1986.

Do not accept the cookies!

Watch til the cookie part is over and meet me back here:

Please know Mailman Mike’s line, “Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too seriously?” haunts me. It’s my own voice trying to gaslight me when I start Googling how to leave the country. If these literal experts on fascism are doing it, shouldn’t the rest of us??

Here’s what the spiral looks like. Technically it’s a cycle/circle, so I’m calling it “Thought Gyrotonics”

I’ve literally been diagnosed with “hyper-vigilance,” so maybe one day I will be a hyper vigilante. In the meantime, I’m just a typical liberal white lady way who freaks out, courts attention for her fear and loathing, and takes zero action besides grabbing lunch.

Which brings us to our next segment.

Chicken Salad Sandwich at Lea Brooklyn

Can chicken salad be transcendent? No.

If prepared with good ingredients in its most basic form (mayo, salt, pepper, and maybe some herbs, chopped celery and dijon mustard if yer nasty), it can be “solid.”

If you zhusz it up with curry chicken or something it can be interesting. That’s the stubbornness of chicken salad — easy to iterate, difficult to elevate.

My favorite chicken salad sandwich is the one I’m eating after a long morning on a beach somewhere, provided it’s on good bread, doesn’t have raisins, and I have that hard-earned hunger you get from being sandy, salty wind-whipped, and a little sunburned. Those are actually the perfect conditions for any sandwich!

My second favorite (these days) is the chicken salad sandwich at Lea.

Here she is!

The hungry I get after drinking coffee for three hours and lugging my laptop around Brooklyn from school dropoffs to meetings and working out (walking) is more wired and unhinged than day-at-the-beach hungry. It’s less virtuous, but deserves a hard-working sandwich just the same.

The mayo-to-chicken ratio on this sandwich is perfect. I always go easy on mayo, risking a dry chicken salad, while most delis and restaurants go absolutely bonkers with it.

Lea found the sweet spot, then kicked it up a notch with chopped jalapeño (just the rinds, no seeds, so it’s not crazy spicy) and pickled red onion, a condiment I love and need to devote more energy to in my life.

Here’s the trick/caveat: the default bread for Lea’s chicken salad is a bagel. This is controversial, but I don’t think breakfast sandwiches should be in bagel form. Bagels are for cream cheese. Anything beyond should be lox with red onion and capers only — and even that’s a little formal for a weekday

All other breakfast sandwiches should be on rolls, or in this case, a nice-a focaccia!

The focaccia slice has a wider surface area than the tight bun of a bagel, so I learned the chicken salad portion is actually quite puny in this context. This modified my order even further, to where I specify focaccia and volunteer to pay extra for extra chicken salad.

This monkey wrench of a conversation happens every couple months because Lea’s front-of-house staff is always changing, and my most recent order was met with a grumbled tu madre when it was communicated to the back of house (the “house” being just two people shouting to each other over a small counter.)

I’m not sure if it was tu madre related, but they assumed extra chicken meant extra pickled red onion too. This resulted in the writhing snakepit of onion slices you see above! No, gracias!

That’s better

So I pick most of them off and shove them to the edge of my plate instead of adding a third layer of sandwich-making direction for the working folks who’ve just fucking had it, you know? Everyone is stressed and ungenerous these days, and I do not blame them.

Sandwich Stats ✅

Place: Lea Brooklyn, Ditmas Park

Order: Chicken salad sandwich on focaccia. I’ll pay extra for extra chicken salad, last time it was like $2. Plus a large iced coffee.

Price: ~$20 all together (includes a tip that I hope will get them to like me)

Quality of components: Great

Structural integrity of sandwich: Fantastic

Service: Relatable. See above.

• This 2-part podcast series on Roy Cohn, and this documentary about Roy Cohn. One of the most horrible and influential human beings in American history. He’s been dead for decades but we’re still reckoning with his greatest political protege.

• Neko Case’s memoir. I had to feel emotionally ready to dive into this one. It took like two months after I brought it home but then I gobbled it up a like a beach sandwich. The tenacity of artists is always a fascinating subject! (Buy it IRL at Lofty Pigeon, the only best lil’ bookstore in Kensington!)

• The baffling return of Adam Neumann. Omg go away.

• Bosses have also fuckin’ had it (with us human beings)

• Entry level jobs are going extinct

• Gen Z is finding religion…

• …Christianity in particular

• A prequel to the above: Why are Young People Everywhere So Unhappy?

• Literally til they’re blue in the face: A Fox News analyst faints and falls out of her chair while discussing Joe Biden’s incompetence

• Flow states make you happier! Find one!

• David Hogg bothers the dead corpse of the DNC

• Elizabeth Holmes’s partner raises millions in VC for his biotech testing startup. Omg go away!

• Oh here go hell come: AOC 2028

• Delloitte’s Medicaid consulting racket in Georgia. How do I get the word out to clients that they can get equally terrible results for millions less with a simple LinkedIn search for “strategists?”

• Well, well, well: Klarna walks back its decision to replace people with AI

• Also well, well, well: Meta “delays the rollout” of its stupid fucking flagship AI model

• A fascinating long read on how drug cartel cash moves through U.S. teller windows

More from me:

• After nearly two decades out of the game, I’m trying to do more editorial work. If you know any editors I could pitch (first-person essays, reported pieces in culture and tech), hit me up!

• My day job goal is to master Figma. If anyone is really good at it and can teach me a few things (I’ll pay you), let’s chat!

• I wrote a workplace guidebook for navigating conflict. It’s called Pushing Back with Tact, and you can grab it, for free, here!

• I also wrote a short book on peri-menopause — so hot (flash) right now. I sell it here, but if you want a free copy, just email me.

• I still have some hard copies of How to Not Murder Your Life or Your Brand. Yes, I regret the title, but also yes the content endures. I can also email you a digi-version if you’re interested!

That’s it for this one. Lots more coming soon, she said.